Real Parents Talk

Mom Confessions: the pregnancy blues

A mom opens up about pressure to have a perfectly happy pregnancy

Did you ever feel that you were “supposed” to enjoy your pregnancy and give that happy pregnant glow? Tess M. felt the pressure — and speaks up on how it’s okay to wish it was over and done with. She shares her #MomConfessions with us. 

I love being a mom, but I hated being pregnant. I did not have a very comfortable or pleasant pregnancy. I had morning sickness for the first trimester, headaches in my second trimester, and I felt a fat ugly cow all throughout my third.

I had a pregnancy shoot with a really good makeup artist who luminized me until I was radiant like all the pre-natal milk ads. My photographer actually found a flattering angle, but I’m pretty sure he photoshopped my arms and chin. I posted it on Facebook and everyone said, “Wow you are so beautiful!” but instead of feeling really good I felt worse.

It was like that was the standard of how a pregnant woman should look like, and the only time I really met was when I had three professionals trying to hide what was me.

My wonderful husband tried to cheer me up by saying: “Ano ka ba, I love you and the baby and it doesn’t matter what you look like.”

“So you’re saying that I really don’t look good but you love me anyway?” I replied.

Needless to say, that conversation did not end well.

I was so moody and oversensitive. I think it was hormones, stress, pressure from all the advice everyone was giving me – and this idea that I HAD TO BE HAPPY. Just like I had to take my vitamins.  Had sleep on my left side. Had to listen to classical music, because it built the baby’s brain! There was so much pressure to get pregnancy right.

And I felt I was doing it all wrong.

I tried to tell my mom how I really felt but she told me to count my blessings. “There are so many women who have a harder pregnancy than you do.” I was too afraid to tell my friends because if my own family didn’t get me, how would they? Besides it felt really wrong and weird to say, “I hate being pregnant!” because they would think I didn’t want the baby.

Thankfully one of my friends noticed I was having a tough time and asked what was wrong. I just started crying – as in crazy crying! She hugged me and surprised me by saying, “You know, I felt that way too sometimes when I was pregnant.”

I couldn’t believe it. She was like my role model, she always seemed so confident and put together. She even did yoga when she was pregnant, while I got tired just thinking of how to put on my jeans. But as we talked I realized that all my fears and sometimes resentment at how my body and life were changing were normal. What made it worse was that I was bottling it up.

“Let it out,” she said. She told me sometimes she watched Korean dramas just for the socially acceptable excuse to be an emotional mess for one hour. “You will feel so much better and nobody is going to judge you because it’s a TV show that’s supposed to make you cry.”

I did feel better, and one week passed after the other and I gave birth. And then it all changed. Once I held my baby, I was completely filled with joy. I realized, “This is why I wanted to get pregnant. Those horrible 9 months were just a means to an end.

Some people love being pregnant, and there are people like me who don’t. But in the end we’re all the same – moms who will do anything and go through everything for their kids. In fact, I’m pregnant again. But this time I’m prepared. I have Netflix.

Do you have your own Mom Confessions? Share your story with us! We won’t judge, and we can protect your privacy. It’s just a chance to share what you’ve been through, and let other moms know they’re not alone!

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